Somewhere is there a 'Rainbow?'

The New York Times (reg. required) Thursday Styles section asks whether "Rainbow parties" (teen oral sex parties where girls wear different colored lipsticks and the boys try to rack up as many colors as possible) actually exist. This is in response to the YA book with the same title (Rainbow Party). The teens quoted in the story say they've heard of them but have never been, and the writer leaves their existence an open question.

If you think about it, Rainbow Parties would be the ratcheted up version of two minutes in the closet or spin the bottle. Remember that scene in "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret?" where 12-year-old Margaret cries out "Please God, let me be normal" referring to her desire to have real breasts. What seems a little different these days is this notion that younger teens are doing more sexually at younger ages, and using the idea of lipstick rings or rubber bracelets to brag about it. I half wonder if the abstinence-only movement has in some way contributed to this "everything but" mentality. You have tween girls being sexualized in the media at a much younger age combined with the notion that the most important thing is staying technically a virgin until you're married…

But here's my real hunch about when actual oral sex happens between girls and guys as young as 13. The girls have low self esteem and the guys are doing what they think they're supposed to do. Girls are often pressured (hand on head) and are almost always pretty drunk. Alcohol plays a big part in this. I don't think something as intense as oral sex is just happening casually as part of a silly game. If any teens read this and know or think otherwise, please post a comment or email me. I'm really curious.

Update: Got some great reader feedback on this in addition to the comments posted below (including two from teens). Ypulse reader Kate wrote and said:

"I think your tie to the sex bracelets was a good one. I first heard of the sex bracelets rumor back in 2003 – I was doing some work with the government's anti-drug campaign and was working on a teen sex and drugs component. I was intrigued and did a good deal of research on the subject. Barbara Cooke wrote an interesting article for the Chicago Tribune in which she did some research on the origins of the fad – she was unable to substantiate it among teens in the Chicago area. I did the same in the DC area with my teen trendsetter panel that I was working with at the time. I showed them the article and asked if they had ever heard of the fad and what they thought. Their reactions were identical to the kids in Chicago – they had never heard of it. Snopes actually had researched the trend as well and their results were inconclusive.

When I read about the rainbow parties, I immediately tie the two together and suspect the same conclusion as the sex bracelets – I’m tempted to think of it as more urban legend than trend. I'm sure a rainbow party has occurred somewhere, but I hesitate to think that it's a trend sweeping the country. (Although I do agree with you on all counts that young people are being sexualized earlier and earlier)"

Ypulse reader Kara sent me a great article she wrote for Nerve.com (subscription required - I'm going to see if I can get permission to reprint it in full here) about Rainbow Parties. She said, "So many girls have told me that oral sex *is* happening and that it's girls giving, guys receiving. (Sometimes guys will reciprocate — if it's a boyfriend.) I think one of the reasons that kids believe in these parties even if they're not really happening is that they somehow confirm part of their real experience. I think you're right that alcohol is often involved. And so many girls say that oral sex is a way to get out of having sex. It's a compromise."

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