Long time readers know I am a big supporter of sexuality education and expanding the discussion beyond "abstinence only" as well as just "how to not get pregnant or catch an STD." Logan Levkoff is a sexologist who has made educating youth and adults about sex in a more holistic way her life's work. She has a new book out October 2 called "Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be: What Your Kids Are Learning About Sex Today- and How to Teach Them to Become Sexually Healthy Adults" (you can pre-order now on Amazon!).

I had a chance to interview Logan via email about the topic teens are always talking about (while most parents struggle to find the right words). We will also be giving away books to the first five commenters who answer the question: What myth or misconception did you grow up with about sex and where did it come from?

Ypulse: I read that you first became involved in sex education in high school. What inspired you to become a peer counselor and how did it end up being your life's work?

Logan Levkoff: By the time I was in high school, HIV was being recognized as a virus that didn't discriminate. The parents in my community (including my own) decided to take matters into their own hands and with the help of a local hospital, began a Peer HIV/AIDS Education/Awareness program. I was lucky enough to be part of the pilot program that trained Peer Educators. If you had asked me what I thought that I was going to do for a living back then, I can assure you that I wouldn't have imagined a career in sexuality education. (I probably would have said that I was going to become a lawyer.) By the time I got to college, I realized that not only was I comfortable talking about sexuality, but I had an ability to make others comfortable, too. But when I started to see many of my peers making uninformed and unsafe (both emotionally and physically) decisions in their sex lives I began to expand my career horizons. I knew that sexuality was such a wonderful and innate part of who we were - but I couldn't find any relevant (generationally speaking) person who relayed that sentiment. I made a decision that I would fill that void. I would be that person.

YP: What is the biggest problem with the way that sex and sexuality are portrayed in the media?

LL: The biggest problem??? That's a tough one. First of all, the media (while entertaining) often misrepresents sexuality, sexual health, and sexual relationships. Often people assume that what they see or hear from the media is accurate; frequently, it is far from that. The media also tends to make sex gratuitous and exploitative, rather than presenting it in a healthy, realistic way. Second, we don't give people all the facts. Primetime network television shows ads for birth control pills, genital herpes meds, and erectile dysfunction meds, but many networks refuse to air ads for condoms during the same time frame - even if there is no use of the word "sex" in the ad. How can we possibly become sexually healthy when we aren't told how to protect ourselves?

YP: What is your take on abstinence only education? What about virginity pledges/"The Silver Ring" thing?

LL: Don't get me started:) Abstinence only education is not only ineffective, but it is dangerous. Yes, it is dangerous to send children and teens out into the word unprepared for what life has to offer them. For some people, abstinence is the right choice; but you can't just tell teens "not to" have sex. You have to give them the tools with which to make educated decisions about their relationships and their health. Abstinence only education is often inaccurate (providing blatant misinformation) and discriminatory (it doesn't tolerate - let alone acknowledge - anyone who may gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, or simply questioning). Abstinence only education creates an environment where people feel ashamed about their sexuality, their desires, or their sexual orientation. As for the pledges and SRT, these are movements driven by peer pressure: "Pledge, wear your ring, be a part of the group." Making a deliberate personal decision to be abstinent is fine, but pressuring other people is never okay. Part of being sexually healthy is allowing people to make their own independent and informed decisions about their body and what they choose to do with it.

Newsletter readers: Visit Ypulse for the rest of the interview...

YP: What is the biggest myth or misinformation teens have today about sex?

LL: There are two different myths that totally contradict each other (depending upon who you ask). Teens often think that sex is glamorous and with the advent of medications, a calculated risk. Teens also have forgotten that sex (in its best form) should be intimate - both emotionally and physically. On the other hand, there is so much fear surrounding sex, that teens sometimes think that sex is bad, and if they have it, they will die. Crazy, I know. But what it means for all of us is that we must do a better job perpetuating healthy and positive messages about sexuality.

YP: What are some concrete ways parents/educators can help teens reach adulthood " with a healthy mindset about human sexuality"?

LL: My dad always told my sister and I that sexuality was a wonderful part of our lives. He said that we were entitled to make our own decisions about sex but he hoped that it would be because we wanted to, we weren't doing something at the behest of others, and because we knew (and were going to be) protected. Those words resonate with me to this day - and I plan on passing them to my son. Parents can also start by recognizing that sexuality is about more than just having sex - it includes our body image, our sense of gender, our sexual orientation, and so much more. Teach your teens to feel good about themselves and their desires (and yes, teaching them about some of the ways to explore their sexuality safely is by talking to them about masturbation, too), and empower them by telling them that you trust them to make good decisions (whatever those decisions are). In addition, let your teens know where you come from. Explain to them how the world was different for you when you made decisions about sex - i.e. Were you in a monogamous relationship? Did you have sex ed? Were you concerned about STDs? HIV/AIDS? What did the media look like? You can't just tell a teen, "Because I said so." Let them know who you are; entrust them with some of your experiences.

YP: Do you have your own list of great resources for teens on sex?

LL: Sex, Etc., Teenwire, Scarletteen, GoAskAlice, I Wanna Know

YP: Anything else you want to add?

LL: It is very clear that the sexual landscape for children and teens has changed greatly in the last 20 - if not 10 - years. Parents (all of us) need to step up to the plate. We have to be physically and emotionally available, honest, and be clear about what our goals in sexuality education really are: Do we want our teens to be abstinent forever or do we want to give them the tools to avoid the negatives - unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and peer pressure. Let's not forget that it is not age that determines whether or not someone is going to make a good decision about sex.

Posted by anastasia